Kind of missing u

Today I find myself in a "Kind of missing you mood"
I miss the way you used to kiss me
The way you used to hold me
The way you used to talk to me
The way your voice sounded when you couldn't talk
The way your breathing changed
The way your bear hold felt
The way you used to dance when you were making fun
The way you would look at me when you found yourself surprised by your attraction to me
The way your voice would sound when you were just jealous
The way you would take care of me when I was sick

You were my idea of what a man should be. Even when I didn't like you I LOVED you! Missing you was the worst, because I would have to pretend that I didn't miss you. I was never strong enough to punish you the way you needed to be punished when you were wrong. And my sorry little attempts to punish you were nothing compared to what you deserved. Do you ever find yourself missing  us? Missing the way we used to be? Back when I actually believed you were the man you presented yourself to be. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've had to do to date. Some days I'm just MAD at you for not being who you said you were. For not being the man you said you were. The man you sold me on, I still CRAVE him, and most days it hurts most that he doesn't exist. All the things I thought we shared, the effect I thought I had on you. All for nothing! None of it real! Everybody plays the fool right? Why couldn't you have been real? Why couldn't we have had a family? Why couldn't we have been happy? Seems that today you confuse ambition with direction. You confuse accumulation with satisfaction. I've already looked down that road and I know where this is heading. Hopefully one day you'll get it together and know and understand the difference. But who am I to tell you, you already got it all figured out.