Repetitive

I love you. I find myself thinking about you often. I remember how we used to be (my interpretation) and how good it felt to love you. My eyes roll as I think about kissing you, and my soul dances when I think about the moments where I got to just hold you in my arms. For someone so strong, you have always been so fragile. Private conversations we had play over and over in my mind. I miss you like crazy. But then reality sets in. AGAIN! The person I believed you were you are not. And your sense of ambition turns me off actually. Even if I was CRAZY and said to myself I can turn off everything that I know that makes me numb when I think of actually being with you, we've grown apart. The things you want with your life aren't the things that I even can pretend I want. I've never been concerned with being rich or well off. I just want to be OK. Able to take a vacation from time to time. Buy a dress if I want one, maybe some shoes. But I don't have that same desire like you do. You eventually want to have a baby. This world is so crazy how could I intentionally subject someone to this? But I often find myself wondering what it would be like to carry your seed and you actually be excited, happy, and on board with the idea. Knowing you even if you weren't happy about it, you would still paint the picture for me as if you were. But I know better. Regardless of how much you fight it, and no matter how times you try to deny it... I got your heart. You already know you have mine. Separated by everything else, clear vision, truth, circumstances as the result of choices. At this moment right now I love you. But tomorrow I'm moving on to someone new. All these repetitive thoughts must end.