N. Dalessio

Today I remembered an even older flame. What made this guy so SPECIAL??? I liked him from the moment I first laid eyes on him. That had never happened to me before and hasn't happened since. I liked him and I got the impression that he liked me. Our conversation instantly took off. Problem was there was someone in my life at the time. DARN! But we were friends... then wouldn't you know that person wasn't in my life anymore... but my friend didn't make a move. One night I left myself totally open and instead of taking advantage he was a complete gentleman. I SO NEEDED THAT more than what I wanted. But then wouldn't you know the guy I've been whining about came into my life. (SAD FACE!) At the time it seemed like a good idea because my friend wouldn't step up. Now I don't know which would've been worse... So I chose the guy who broke my heart. My friend even tried to talk me out of it. I wonder what would've happened if I would've chose him instead. Either way I was in trouble. My friend eventually stopped trying and moved on with his life. He moved out of the area, and I lost touch with him. I saw him a few years ago at the height of my depression, needless to say I don't look the same. I don't know that he recognized me. He didn't seem happy to see me. (Crying face) He brushed me off, and very nonchalantly said I'm getting married and having a baby. There's no point in thinking about him, when he clearly doesn't even remember me. I guess our two year friendship was forgettable to him. But for me, its something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. That never happened before or again. It was amazing and like something from a movie. You walk into work one day there's the oh so yummy new guy! I wasn't shy around him or anything like I normally am. There was something about him that made him different. There' s something about Mary???? No, its something about Neil.

Thank Goodness For The Good Ones: Totally effective ways to make the person you like notice you.

This really made me smile today check out her blog! Absolutely hilarious!

Thank Goodness For The Good Ones: Totally effective ways to make the person you like notice you.

Repetitive

I love you. I find myself thinking about you often. I remember how we used to be (my interpretation) and how good it felt to love you. My eyes roll as I think about kissing you, and my soul dances when I think about the moments where I got to just hold you in my arms. For someone so strong, you have always been so fragile. Private conversations we had play over and over in my mind. I miss you like crazy. But then reality sets in. AGAIN! The person I believed you were you are not. And your sense of ambition turns me off actually. Even if I was CRAZY and said to myself I can turn off everything that I know that makes me numb when I think of actually being with you, we've grown apart. The things you want with your life aren't the things that I even can pretend I want. I've never been concerned with being rich or well off. I just want to be OK. Able to take a vacation from time to time. Buy a dress if I want one, maybe some shoes. But I don't have that same desire like you do. You eventually want to have a baby. This world is so crazy how could I intentionally subject someone to this? But I often find myself wondering what it would be like to carry your seed and you actually be excited, happy, and on board with the idea. Knowing you even if you weren't happy about it, you would still paint the picture for me as if you were. But I know better. Regardless of how much you fight it, and no matter how times you try to deny it... I got your heart. You already know you have mine. Separated by everything else, clear vision, truth, circumstances as the result of choices. At this moment right now I love you. But tomorrow I'm moving on to someone new. All these repetitive thoughts must end.

Adele - Someone Like You

Almost Doesnt Count

You almost made me happy today
A small gesture misunderstood on my part
My eyes thought that my ears were being tickled and for a moment my heart went with it
Bliss was short lived as my eyes begged for a third look
Then the visual settled in and I thought I was going to be sick
The picture I thought you painted of the way we used to be
Well I took a closer look and realized that the woman in that picture wasn't me
She wasn't anything like me, and yet you constantly claim that she's BEAUTIFUL!?!?
You complain about her and the things she does which is why at first I assumed the woman was me
Well you know what happens you assume
Happiness short lived, disappointment returned
I live for the day when I'm free of this, you only seem to disappoint me

If the price is right?

Can you place a price on happiness?
If I gave you a pen and paper right now, what dollar amount would you write to make you happy?
I know I have a dollar amount in my head that would solve a lot of problems for me and my family.
But would it make me happy?
Um, to not have the financial stresses I have on my shoulders right now, it would definitely walk a little taller
I'd be able to answer my phone without worrying about the caller on the other end
But at night, I would still be lonely
I would still be me
So I say relief definitely has a price
But happiness.... is priceless
No matter what you cant buy love, true love anyways
You may be able to buy a good looking mate
But someone who truly loves you for who you are and cares you through thick and thin.... nope
And never fool yourself into thinking that if you think you've found true love that money cant or wont make or break the relationship
The lack of money is death of a lot of relationships
And money can be the reason for lack of trust and appreciation
So what is the right price for a successful relationship?
I wouldn't know.... I've never experienced it

I admitted it

I admitted it today
I admitted that I'm still in love with you
I still smell you
I still crave you
A lot of good that does me
I want someone I will not have
I guess I need to stop worrying about getting over you
And just make sure that I keep myself in line today
As long as you don't know that I still love you the world is saved
If asked I will deny it
If confronted I deny you
If cornered I will fight you
You will never know how long you remain in my heart
You will not know how long you stay on my mind
Its not for you to know, but in order to get over you I have to admit these things to myself
So here's to the truth

Kind of missing u

Today I find myself in a "Kind of missing you mood"
I miss the way you used to kiss me
The way you used to hold me
The way you used to talk to me
The way your voice sounded when you couldn't talk
The way your breathing changed
The way your bear hold felt
The way you used to dance when you were making fun
The way you would look at me when you found yourself surprised by your attraction to me
The way your voice would sound when you were just jealous
The way you would take care of me when I was sick

You were my idea of what a man should be. Even when I didn't like you I LOVED you! Missing you was the worst, because I would have to pretend that I didn't miss you. I was never strong enough to punish you the way you needed to be punished when you were wrong. And my sorry little attempts to punish you were nothing compared to what you deserved. Do you ever find yourself missing  us? Missing the way we used to be? Back when I actually believed you were the man you presented yourself to be. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've had to do to date. Some days I'm just MAD at you for not being who you said you were. For not being the man you said you were. The man you sold me on, I still CRAVE him, and most days it hurts most that he doesn't exist. All the things I thought we shared, the effect I thought I had on you. All for nothing! None of it real! Everybody plays the fool right? Why couldn't you have been real? Why couldn't we have had a family? Why couldn't we have been happy? Seems that today you confuse ambition with direction. You confuse accumulation with satisfaction. I've already looked down that road and I know where this is heading. Hopefully one day you'll get it together and know and understand the difference. But who am I to tell you, you already got it all figured out.

Deep Voices

Its something about a man with a deep voice
Tell me a story, sing me a song
Say anything as long as you keep talking to me
I love deep voices!
Say my name! In the deepest tone you can muster say my name!
I love it! Read me a bedtime story, say anything, just keep talking...

Broken Heart

So as I lay here alone my loneliness surrounds me
No matter how much I try to get used to the idea of being alone it just doesn't seem right or fair
The man I loved, didn't love me back
Many years wasted, unnecessary pain endured
Now I struggle to move on
Its been three years and I still cant seem to get it together
The first time I attempt to allow someone in that space....
It doesn't work out for me
Thinking about him today annoyed the stink out of me
I chose to deal with the ridiculousness that was that man because I didn't want to deal with the craziness of the new guys. Why must we kiss so many frogs before we find our prince?