In the course of being me I realized something important about me. I thought (and I dont know why) I was a pretty good communicator. But the other day going over my past relationships I noticed that this trait has deminished quickly. My communication skills have pretty much disappeared. Too many battle scars I guess. And then it doesnt help to realize (although I already knew, but this was a brutal reminder) that age does not denote maturity.
When I look back on my life its a wonder I talk to people at all. I have a bunch of chips on my shoulders. And a few friendships that faded away to things of the past. Some uncontrollably and others, its just better to let them go. I could see the ineviditable coming. When it comes down to it. I'm just tired. Tired of people and tired of drama.
I realize that I have my own special way of seeing things. My own special way of processing things. Attempts to change my thinking are truly futile. Most people want you to think like them or they judge you for thinking differently. I'm tired of the whole charade.
Down the rabbit hole I go, maybe I'll resurface on Ground Hogs Day. But I'm really cool off of those who cant let me be, and work out my issues naturally.
Matters of the heart are always difficult to decide for. To have the weight of the world also looming over you is too much to bare.
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